Just Say No No to Nene!

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So, I have been watching the Real Housewives of Atlanta since the inception of the show. Judge ya mammy! I have seen castmates leave and return. I have seen castmates fight, argue, and makeup. I have pretty much seen it all. This isn’t really about the show though! This is about Linnethia Monique Johnson aka Nene Leakes. Well not really. This is about “friends” like Linnethia. Nene is a habitual offender in trying her friends and then playing the victim. During the first few seasons, I’m not going to lie, I did feel like some of the woman were coming at her a little too hard for no reason. But as the seasons went on and she became wealthier, she became nastier. You know what they say, “more money, more problems.” And she is definitely problematic Chile.

It just seems as if being this individuals’ friend is egg-haust-ing. Whenever she falls out with someone, she gets on social media to defend herself and her toxic behavior. You see her talking on YouTube channels or during interviews on the show about how much she has done for said person and how said person should be grateful etc etc. You get the point. It never fails. It’s the same for each and every person. Like girllllll, stoppppppp. You…are…the…problem.

 At some point we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and be like “WHAT AM I DOING?” Everybody isn’t targeting you. Everybody isn’t attacking you. Everybody isn’t your hater. Everybody ain’t out to get you. It’s YOU sis! And what’s crazy, is the “Linnethia’s “KNOW they toxic. But because people have allowed them to get away with their behavior for so long, they think its okay to continue to be this way. They don’t give a crap about their mental health, so they definitely don’t give a farfanugen(trying to stop cussing😇) about yours. So, what if you’re a “Cynthia” with a “Nene” friend? How do you recognize when you should just let go?

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1.     When you get into a disagreement with them and they always throw something they did for you in your face. Like do you keep a checks and balances sheet of what all you’ve done for me and what all I’ve done for you? “I was the only one that was there for you when no one else was.” That type of energy. If it’s so easy for someone to just start rattling off every single thing they’ve done, then that means they are keeping score and I don’t want or need to be in competition with my friends. Period.

2.     When you hear them talking about you behind your back to other friends.I don’t mean talking to another friend in an attempt to resolve things or get another take on the situation. I mean calling you out your name, degrading you, calling your character into question etc. “She is so weak.” “She is so fake.” All that negative stuff. If you and your “friend” get into an argument and they can easily call you all types of names other than a child of God, that’s how they have always felt about you and probably always will.

3.     When they try and make you feel like your feelings aren’t valid or warranted.If they never take the time to listen but always find the time to argue, they don’t care about your feelings, they only care about themselves. That’s not a friendship, that’s a dictatorship. Their way is the only way. 

4.     When they use whatever they are going through to always excuse them of being a shitty person.So much for me not cussing smh. I understand everyone has issues and personal things they go through that some can’t quite organize their feelings in a manner to verbally express it, so you may be the brunt of misplaced emotions. I get it. I’ve done it. But…not…all…the…time. 🙄You are no longer someone going through something and just being shitty. You are a shitty person that is just going through something. Miss me. I’ll pray for you…over there. People are not obligated to put up with you mistreating them as a result of you processing your personal issues and trauma.

5.     When they make everything about them.Every event they show they ass. Every conversation is about their issues or successes. They don’t ask how you’re doing. They don’t check on you. The only time y’all talk is when you call or when you text. When they do show up to support, they are negative and nasty. So, they honestly could’ve just stayed they raggedy ass home. They don’t like the shine being off of them, so they take it back at any given moment. 

 

Listen…we all have toxic traits and tendencies. Don’t lie. I can list a few of mine off rip. But having toxic traits and actually displaying those toxic traits are totally different. We all make the conscious decision to react to each and every situation the way we do. Sometimes we allow our emotions to get the best of us but once is a mistake, twice is a choice. Displaying toxic behavior is a CHOICE! You want to know what else is a choice? Being friends with these toxic people. Stop choosing toxic people to remain in your circle. Stop allowing them to reap the benefits of your dopeness. This may be cliché, but it still holds truth, from Muva MS.(please say the Ms before all of the ancestors come and slap you in the mouth) Maya Angelou, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

  Losing friends is hard…sometimes. Sometimes because some of these mofos need to get the boot and was taking up too much space and time in the first place. But for the ones who you were hanging on to and then have to come to grips that you have to let them go, will hurt…probably like hell. But what is more important? Keeping someone that’s toxic to you as a friend and constantly messing up your energy or keeping your mental health in check and your energy consistent by ridding your life of toxicity? I’m choosing me every👏🏾single👏🏾time👏🏾.

 

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Let me know if you’ve had a friend that was toxic or maybe you were the toxic friend in the comments!

 

 

Silenced By Society

Black eye.

Busted lip.

Bruised arm.

Broken ribs.

Patches of hair pulled out.

 

One night while packing my car to leave Tallahassee and go back home, my ex approached me and beat me to a pulp. He was abusive and I had finally found a way out but that didn’t stop him. He followed me to college and stalked me. Unbeknownst to me, he was watching my every move including that night. He waited until I wasn’t paying attention and surprised me with a punch to the face as I turned around from my car. He grabbed my shoulders and slammed me up against my car repeatedly until I felt like my back was about to break. As I fell to the pavement, he began to kick me while yelling that he loved me and I shouldn’t have ever left him. I remember him saying “if I can’t have you, no one will.” I thought I was going to die that night. I must’ve let out a scream because a neighbor came outside to see what was going on. He kicked me one last time and ran. I don’t even remember letting out a scream but it saved my life.

 

I filed a restraining order and charges. To my knowledge, he is still behind bars.

Some people aren’t so lucky. Some remain in an abusive relationship and never make it out. Some leave, like myself, and are still fighting for their lives. You see it’s not so easy to “just leave” like so many people like to throw out at people who seek help. No, we aren’t allowing the abuse to happen by staying. In actuality, some of us think we are helping the situation.

 

If we stay, maybe they will stop.

If I stay, maybe they won’t hurt my family/friends.

If I stay, maybe I can live.

 

Many times, an escape plan goes through the mind of a victim. How to get out? Where to go so they won’t be found? How to get money to survive? How do they protect themselves and their family and friends? “Just leave” is not an option. And even when you do finally find a way out, sometimes it’s not the end of the abuse. Unless you have been in a relationship where you are emotionally, physically, and mentally abused, your suggestions on survival aren’t really viable because most of the time, they aren’t coming from a place of understanding. There is a difference between “just leave” and “don’t be afraid to leave.”

 

If you know someone or see someone being abused, be their ear. Be their shoulder. Let them know you are there for them. Their abuser has told them, they are the only ones there for them. Their abuser has told them that they are the only ones that love them. Their abuser has manipulated and played on their emotions so much that they start to believe it. Then they log onto Facebook wanting…needing to talk and see their “friend” sharing an article about a local woman who was killed by her estranged and abusive husband saying, “Well she should’ve just left. She chose to be there.” And all of those moments their abuser told them no one would care, was now a reality.

 

Many victims and survivors don’t talk about their experiences because of the way they feel they may be perceived in society. So many times they’ve been told it was their fault and a piece of them starts to believe it. So it doesn’t help that everyone places the blame and responsibility of the victim to do better. Society is real quick to tell a victim ways to avoid being in this situation but never provide advice to the abusers to not put their hands on people. It’s easy to say what we would do without ever actually having to do it. But when you live it, when it’s your truth, it’s completely different.

 

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Pushed against the wall.

Thrown on the floor.

Head banged on the coffee table.

Punched in the stomach.

Food thrown in your face.

Choked just enough not to pass out but still feel dead.

 

A message to survivors:

 

You are not alone. There are others who have gone through what you have and need to hear your story. Someone’s freedom is within your testimony. There is a purpose behind your pain. If you are currently in an abusive relationship, don’t be afraid to leave and get help. There is a community of people who stand with you, behind you, and beside you. Don’t give up. Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

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