So I am not about to sugar coat anything. The black community has some SERIOUS issues. Some of these issues are due to oppression and not being awarded the same opportunities as our white counterpart. That’s a whole nother’ blog. But a lot of these issues are internal issues. Issues stemmed from individual trauma that because they aren’t cared for and handled properly, or at all, they manifest into other energies. What was a personal issue is now an issue you’re taking out on your friend. Or you’re so mad, that you took something that guy at the corner store said the wrong way, you pulled your gun and shot him instead of rationalizing your emotions. We have so many issues as a community because we don’t tell our story. We don’t tell our story because we think we are either:
1. Alone in that situation and no one else will understand;
2. We are too embarrassed to talk to anyone;
3. Any time we had an issue we were only told to just pray about it instead of actually working through the problem and addressing it head on.
We hold these things in, we push them to the back of our head, we harbor those emotions, and then when something else upsets or hurts you then boom…all hell is unleashed but most times, toward the wrong entity. And praying is good and all, don’t get me wrong, but even the Bible says prayer without works is dead. After you pray about it, do you work on yourself?
Everybody has gone through some type of struggle. Everybody. If someone tells you they haven’t, they’re a liar and the truth ain’t in them. Why do we think our trauma is unique? Yes, WE may have never experienced it but that doesn’t mean someone hasn’t or isn’t. Not saying every persons problems are going to be the same but someone’s personal experience is probably very similar to yours. But we would never know because we don’t open up and talk about it.
“Our well being is really a 360 degree experience. One thing doesn’t work without the other.” Christina Rice
Other parts of your life will suffer because you have not taken care of one aspect of your life. Because you are so stressed you start to call out from work, which leads to you getting fired, which leads to you not being able to pay your bills, which leads to your car being repossessed, which leads to you not being able to go grocery shopping, which leads to you not being able to eat…you get my drift. All because you were stressed out and didn’t tell anyone or get the proper help you needed to help handle that stress. And no, it’s not easy to open up. It’s not easy to talk about your trauma. It’s not easy to tell someone you’re hurting on the inside and you don’t know what to do. But it does get easier. But you have to make the first step.
You want to know what I think the biggest issue is regarding getting help or talking about our issues? (Yes, Brittany I do!) I think we don’t talk about our issues because we are so complacent with our trauma. If we talked about it, we would have to deal with it.
We don’t want to deal with our own mess so we would rather stank up other areas of our lives and possibly somebody else’s and make things ten times worse. What sense does that make? None. Yet we continue the cycle of unnecessary and problematic behavior and expect people to just deal with it. “That’s just who I am” was my favorite go to line when I did some shady stuff and knew it was a problem. Basically, if you don’t like me for being an asshole then that’s your fault.
I mean I’m still an asshole if you let some people tell it but it’s actually warranted now! I’ve learned to check myself before blaming someone else. I don’t allow what I’m going through or what I’ve been through to dictate how I treat someone else. It’s a pretty shitty thing to do. So why do we do it? Why do some of us choose to live a life where our emotions have control over us? Aside from medical conditions and diagnosis, many of us choose to remain in the state we are in. The question is simply why. I can promise you, you aren’t alone and you shouldn’t be embarrassed about anything you’ve survived. There are so many resources out there that can aid in our breakthroughs. Resources that are free or minimal costs. Literally, just talking to a friend is free. I’m no therapist but I have been to therapy and let me tell you how enlightening, scary, eye opening, gut wrenching, relieving(I could go on and on about my experience!) it was to finally talk. Just talk. Not be interrupted. To cry uncontrollably. Yell if I needed to. Display an array of emotions without someone thinking I’m crazy. I had a breakthrough. I had MY breakthrough. Yours is waiting to happen. All you have to do is take the first step.
A lot of us live by the quote “actions speak louder than words” but some times your words are your actions. Talking is an action. Speaking your truth is an action. Set yourself free by releasing all of that toxic energy you’ve been harboring.
Your breakthrough is on the other side.
Your healing is on the other side.
A better you is on the other side.
Change won’t happen until you are willing to change.
”Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” Leo Tolstoy
Resources that may help: